I got an update from CNN at around 11 o’clock last night. Being half asleep, I glanced over to my phone, stared at it for a while, and slowly sat up in my bed. Staring into space now, all I could do was think of the current situation I’m in, and my heart sank. No outrage, no screaming, just disappointment and a hint of fear. With that I listened to some music, and went to bed soon after.
That was my initial reaction to hearing that Officer Darren Wilson was not indicted for the shooting of 18 year-old Michael Brown.
What saddens me the most is of course the fact that the legal system is indirectly calling black boys targets, and not human beings. As a black boy I am no longer safe, for now it seems like I’d be safer running away from the police than towards them for help. This has been shown multiple times. But the thing that makes me hate myself, is the fact that my response to these shootings are becoming less and less passionate. I remember when Trayvon Martin was shot, and how I was fuming for weeks on end, angry at everyone and everything. I was thirteen, and in my eyes this was something I’ve never heard of: someone who looks just like me is killed for no reason. This was heartless, sad, and unprecedented for the most part. But after two years of the same sad story with different names and faces, all I can do is stare at a wall and pray for the families of the victims. I’m slowly being desensitized from an issue that directly affects me, and I hate that I feel this way. This is something that needs to change.
In no way is it OK to normalize the shooting and killing of black boys. Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing normal or regular or just about Michael Brown, Troy Davis, Trayvon Martin, and countless others. All of them were unique lives that ended too soon. But the fact that it happens so often is where the psychological issue comes into play. When you see black face after black face after black face on the news as a kid and as an adult, you start to see it as normal. This leads to the further devaluing of black boys, resulting in the process starting all over again. So when something is becoming “boring”, what does the news latch on to make a story? In this case, its the riots.
I woke up at around 9:30 today, and turned on the television to see how people were responding to the verdict. Hoping to see news coverage on the Michael Brown’s family, or more on the lack of indictment itself, I was instead greeted by headlines like “Riots Fill the Streets of Ferguson”, and “Ferguson up in Flames”. This was coupled with video segments of black people looting and jumping on police cars, but nothing on the cause of this anger. I turned off the TV and finished my cereal in silence.
OK, this is the part that makes me mad. Not only does the news seem to not cover enough of the lack of indictment itself, but instead MSNBC and CNN are focusing more on the looting and the rioting caused by this issue. Sure, the news still needs to cover something like this, but the main story is being missed. “Michael Brown’s Killer Set Free”. “Shooter of Innocent Boy Released”. “Darren Wilson Gone With No Charges”. These all sound like headlines that would not only bring in views, but would also tell the real story instead of the aftermath, no matter how exciting that may be.
To say the least, these are my feelings on the lack of indictment. I’m sad, dissapointed, but in the end I can only shake my head. So this holiday season, I’ll have a lot to be thankful for. I have my family, my friends, my health, and especially the ability to be alive, for I know for sure that can change at any time. RIP Michael Brown.